New Year’s Eve Short Jokes

New Year’s Eve Short Jokes


  1. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?
  2. I haven’t seen you for a year!
  3. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
  4. He gave up thinking.
  5. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
  6. The ice falls out of your drinks!
  7. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
  8. Social Security
  9. New Year’s Eve forecast:
  10. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
  11. What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops?
  12. Justin Bieber gets jealous.

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God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. – Author Unknown

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On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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Tattoo Parlor This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tattoo artist say that’s an unusual request. “Why do you want two tattoos there?” So she says “Because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and New Year’s.”

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New Year’s Eve One Liners

  • You don’t have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
  • People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event.
  • If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.
  • I’ll remember 2014 like it was yesterday Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2015 please?
  • I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they’d get a Bloody Mary.
  • I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2014 and a beautiful beginning into 2015.
  • Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Year’s Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.
  • Every year I make a resolution to change myself……. this year making a resolution to be myself!
  • I’m planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2015.
  • Just heard that in 2015 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.
  • Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.
  • New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
  • I’m actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
  • There have been many times in 2014, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you….today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2015!

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