Collection of Husband Wife Jokes

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? That was common sense leaving your body.


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Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once…
But many people still go to their in-laws place..????

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Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! Dad: What role are you playing? Pappu: A husband! Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

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Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “i am talking to my wife”

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Husband-Wife-jokes2

A small argument between a couple turns violent.
Husband says: Don’t let the animal in me come out.
Wife replies: Who’s afraid of a mouse!!!

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Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: if I can handle this, I can handle anything!… Superb Attitude for Life!!

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If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

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A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…

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Million Dollar Truth:
If Saturday and Sunday Don’t Excite You, then change your Friends.
If Monday doesn’t motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work then you should change your spouse!!

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Husband-Wife-jokes1

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic fell into a river, all aboard died.
Each husband cried for a week, one husband continued for more than two weeks.
When asked he replied miserably.. “My wife missed the bus”

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Angry Husband sends SMS to his mother-in-law “Your product not cooking food properly”.
Smart Mother-in-law replied “Product sold…..Seal opened……. Warranty expired, Manufacturer not responsible”

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A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot”

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Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

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BOSS hangs a Poster in his Office ” I’M THE BOSS, DON’T FORGET AND REMAIN IN YOUR LIMITS ” He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk: Your Wife called, she wants the Poster back at HOME….

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Listening To your Wife…is like reading terms & conditions of a website. You understand nothing but still click “I AGREE”

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A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!
The husband, typically unromantic, replied,
“I am in the toilet. Please advise..”

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The sweetest msg –
Husband to wife : U should learn to embrace ur mistakes…..
She hugged him tightly……

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Furious Wife: I should have married the devil Even he would make a better husband than you. Husband: But honey, marriage between brothers and sisters is illegal.

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Arguing with your wife is like killing the mosquito on your cheek you might or might not kill it, but you’ll still end up slapping yourself!

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An interesting Line written at the back of a sardar biker’s shirt: “If u r able to read this it means my wife has fallen off….please inform me..!”

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Best one line ad by a married man on OLX For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake……